Tonight I'm watching Hard Hunted. Sounds like something Seagul, or the Bloodsport fella, would make.
Movie starts out with some young sleazebag on his private yacht, draped in semi clad lingerie models, lounging around sipping sea water as his crew poach for abalone.
The sleazeball's handed the secret of the ooze, or a piece of stonehedge from the Silver Shamrock factory, and claims he holds Mortal Kombat powers.
Nelly Furtado then breaks out into a TV commercial for Hawaiian island adventures.
Standing around with his Mortal Kombat powers, and nothing else to do, the young sleazebag orders some Chinese which comes served naked, while another two-timing entree laces his daiquiri with sleeping tablets. I take it she's going to steal the secret of the ooze? The two-timing exotic island beauty entree steals the ooze as predicted and now she's marked and on the run.
Making absolutely no sense, the movie then bounces around from Hawaii, to Arizona, cut to some sports illustrated models on holiday sunbathing, and now we're at The Pentagon with a bunch of Microsoft workers sitting around discussing kickbacks and home security mumbo-jumbo. As you do.
Unperturbed that the ooze has been stolen, the robed sleazebag is tipped off to the whereabouts of his lifeblood in Scotsdale.
The 2 sports illustrated models continue to splish splash while on vacation as the exotic two-timer entree is shot down in a blaze of gory and the secret of the ooze is then passed down to the sports illustrated models on holiday.
Unknowingly they smuggle the ooze back to Hawaii - advantage robed sleazeball.
Movie jumps around like an Atari leapfrog. Snitches backstab. Woeful actors try to bring humor to an already lame movie. The baddie in this is about as menacing as a ghost from Miss Pacman. (He gets away in the end minus his ooze.)
These people must have had a lot of time on their hands to be wasting it on hobbies like this.
How much more of this? Is there much to go?
So Judith Light is tasered like cattle, abducted, blows up a plane, free falls, and then placed into a makeshift coffin, made out of plywood, and flown off to nowhere to meet Kano?
Meanwhile two strangers, who aren't even relevant to the storyline, make love. Am I supposed to pretend that I don't notice all the D-cup cleavage in these Sidaris movies? Who are the real stars of these movies? If you've seen one Sidaris movie, you've seen 'em all.
I lost interest in this back at the 50-minute mark. It just drags on. What was a one hour and 34 minute movie could have been condensed into an hour movie. They just dragged it out and of course they just had to squeeze in a few sex scenes at the end where we see horrible actors exploring each others augmented bodies in a sensual manner for all the perverts and creeps out there.
Glad this director no longer makes film anymore.
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